Probably not a post that everyone wants to read about, but this has been a huge part of the last 12 weeks for Camber and I. Some days (well most days) it was all I thought (worried) about. So this is a disclaimer (warning) that I am going to be talking about breastfeeding, hence the title :-) Read at your own risk. This blog has always been a way for me to record and keep track of all the things going on in our lives. Well our breastfeeding journey has been a huge part of our lives during the last few weeks.
Because Camber was born with shoulder dystocia and the umbilical cord around his neck he wasn't breathing at birth and had to intubated. He was taken to the NICU where he stayed for a week. I wasn't able to breastfeed him for the first three days of his life. So instead of starting our breastfeeding journey with some skin to skin and latching right away I was hooked up to a cold, mechanical pump. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it was the next best thing to get my son the best nutrition in the world. I had decided that I wanted to breast feed and would try my hardest to make sure we had a successful breastfeeding relationship.
On day three of Camber's life I was told I could breastfeed and the first feeding went well (or so I thought). I even made Doug take a picture, because I was so excited to be doing what I had wanted to do day 1! In the NICU we couldn't really get Camber get a good latch and so the nurses gave me a nipple shield. Without knowing any better I put it on and fed my son. The entire time in the NICU I was told I didn't have enough milk so we needed to supplement (NO-I didn't really need to do this; I should have been putting him to the breast even more, but I didn't know and I listened to the "experts."). This is one of my first "problems-" I listened to doctors and nurses about breastfeeding when they really didn't know much about it! I wish I would have known more and been in contact with lactation consultants right away (or trusted my instincts and what I knew was right).
The first day home from the hospital, I called Amy, our natural childbirth educator, who gave me a ton of suggestions to get breastfeeding off to a good start (after a not-so-great first week). She suggested sitting skin to skin ALL the time and because I didn't get to do this much in the NICU it was great for breastfeeding and our bonding. She was the first person to give me hope that this could work. That I would be able to breastfeed my son. She was the first person to really teach me to trust my mama instincts-that they were there I just had to listen to them.
After leaving the hospital breastfeeding was such a stressful thing for Camber and I. I didn't know it at the time, but because of Camber's lip and tongue tie he wasn't able to transfer milk and so he would "eat" for an hour, but not really get anything. It caused me major pain. The second week home we met with a lactation consultant who mentioned a tongue tie and that started that journey. (read the blog post).
Before the lip and tongue tie were revised I was taking fenugreek, eating oatmeal twice a day, and drinking cups and cups of mother's milk tea to help boost my supply. I was in incredible pain each and EVERY time I would feed Camber. It was a pain so deep that I felt like I was going to puke each time he latched on. It was horrible, but I was determined to make it work. I had appointments to check his tongue and lip tie.
After the lip and tongue tie were revised I expected it to just get better, but it didn't. We would have a good feeding here and there, but they were very seldom happening. I met with an AMAZING lactation consultant, LeeAnn. She gave me so many suggestions for things to try. She taught me how to do such training with an SNS, had me add in Blessed Thistle to boost my supply, and we decided to add in a nipple shield so that I could heal. We found out I was having vasospams, which were extremely painful. (google it--or don't--it was no fun). It was still horrible, but still something I wasn't going to give up on. Some days were so stressful, but then we would have a good feeding and I would hold out hope.
During this time it was so hard to go anywhere, because it was incredibly inconvenient to feed Camber anywhere but at home, because of the nipple shield we had to use and the fact that he still didn't latch well. Having to use a nursing cover when we were out and about was so hard, because he would come off and on so much and we would both end up frustrated.
Camber's weight gain wasn't as "fast" as it should have been during this time. He was always gaining weight, but some weeks would only gain 3-4 ounces instead of the 5-8 that he should have been.
I was getting so frustrated and many times a day would consider giving up on breastfeeding all together, because it just wasn't worth the stress. I knew the stress was negatively impacting my supply and would get stressed because I was stressed. I started going to a Mama and Baby Cafe at Willowsong where I met Char who is also amazing. She offered some helpful advice and hope! Hope that I could continue, hope that this would work. She helped me realize that there is no "deadline" for breastfeeding and that as long as we were working on it and making it work for us then it was ok.
One day, at ten weeks old, Camber decided he was not going to eat with the nipple shield anymore and so from then on we haven't used it. It took a few days for my supply to regulate and for Camber to figure out eating without the shield. I can honestly say now at 12 weeks old our breastfeeding relationship is everything I hoped it would be! It was totally and completely worth it and I am so thankful that we didn't quit.
I am so thankful to Amy, LeeAnn, and Char would gave me hope through the last 12 weeks, who answered my texts when I thought I would never be able to continue breastfeeding. I am so thankful to Dr. Mindy who revised Camber's lip and tongue. I am so thankful to my mom, who would receive countless phone calls from a stressed and crying daughter asking for help.
But most of all I am thankful for my husband. He never once told me to just give Camber a bottle or that it wasn't worth the stress and crying. Doug was always supportive and helped in every way he could. Many times I felt like a bad mom, because I couldn't do the one thing that I was meant to do-feed my baby and Doug never let me feel like that for long. He was always so encouraging and helped to do whatever was needed.
A couple big things came from the last 12 weeks of our breastfeeding journey: most doctors do not have enough education on breastfeeding and breastfeeding is possible most of the time! It's so sad when I hear stories from other moms that felt like they couldn't keep going and most of the time it is because they didn't have the support they needed!
I told Doug a few weeks back, "Once Camber and I get this breastfeeding thing figured out I am going to breastfeed him until he is ten." Ok I am not quite serious about breastfeeding him quite that long, but I am going to as long as I can (don't judge!). This is truly one of the biggest accomplishments of my entire life, which you may think sounds so stupid. But what else in my life have I worked on that much: every 2 hours (and sometimes even more often), every single day, for over 12 weeks. And in between those two hours I was thinking about how to make the next feeding even better.
So if any new mamas are reading this: you can do it. Find help, find support, there is an answer.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
We have turned into "those" people....
In just a little over 10 short weeks, Doug and I have turned into "those people." You know the people I am talking about. The ones you said you would never become. I promised as a mom I wouldn't do "those" things! Well, here I am- I have arrived at motherhood.
1. "I will be the mom that takes a shower and gets ready everyday, even if we aren't going to go anywhere." Ha! Yea right. These things called babies-yay-well they like to be held and they don't care if you stink (even if you stink really bad).
2. "We won't be late, just because we have a baby." How hard is it to plan ahead a little to be on time? We are "early" people so we will be able to handle that. Well no one told Camber what time it was, or what time we needed to leave. He didn't get a clock on the way out of the hospital so he has no idea what time is (nor does he care). When we do finally get around to getting out of the house: we have the bag packed, ourselves ready, Camber strapped into that torture chamber called a car seat: he decides he needs to poop. And not just a little poop that you could just change him when you got to wherever you were going, a big poop. One that needs changed right now! So you unstrap him, change him, and repeat the process all over again.
3. The other night we were going to dinner with Cas and Jeff and so I nursed Camber in the car before going in. (We again made them wait for us-see #2). As we are walking into the restaurant I realize I haven't pulled my shirt down after nursing. I just put my coat on, but didn't pull my shirt down. Thank God I realized it before taking my coat off again and showing the whole restaurant something they may not have wanted to see.
4. "Talking about poop" Poor Cas and Jeff, they are always subjected to our Mom and Dad conversations. At dinner we were talking about Camber's poop. Who wants to hear that? I am sure they didn't, but they did the Godparent duty and just smiled and nodded (while acting interested-all the while thinking to themselves "Get us out of here.")
Doug and I will text each other about Camber's poop. Hey when he goes three days without one it is pretty exciting. The second text is worse though: asking how much and what color. :-) I ran to the grocery store one afternoon and came home to Doug saying that Camber had pooped while I was gone and he had saved the diaper for me to look at what color it was. Again -if you would have told me I would be "that person" three months ago I would have laughed at you. Now it's my real life :-)
5. We take a noise machine into public places. Camber likes having a noise machine to fall asleep to and now they make a little one that attaches to his car seat (the size of a cell phone-come on people it's not like I'm bringing a boom box into places).
6. I always said I would put my baby in his swing, bed, bouncy seat, hell anywhere to take his nap. I had envisioned placing my smiling, happy baby into his crib and patting his little tummy saying "have a good nap, see you in an hour" and walking out of the room. What a joke! Camber didn't get that memo! He likes to be held and rocked and so: we hold and rock. Because I am not going to listen to a screaming baby all day! He will only be little for such a short time and so I hold and rock! Don't judge!
7. You always see these moms with their hair in a pony tail wearing sweat pants and a shirt that looks like might have also been worn yesterday and then on closer examination you see what could be spit-up or worse, poop?! Have I turned into that?! Sadly, yes I have! I have had every baby body fluid on me, and the worse part? It doesn't really phase me.
8. We only talk about Camber. I have nothing else to talk about, because I think of nothing else all day long! Maybe it will get better once I go back to work, but I have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless it involves nursing, diaper changing, naps, or growth spurts. He is my world, he consumes my thoughts, he is my everything!
So ten weeks ago I envisioned a sweet, sleeping, quiet baby snuggling in my arms, but instead I got Camber who is SO MUCH better than anything I could have imagined. He smiles, recognizes us, sticks his tongue out at us, gives me this little side smile at 3 in the morning just to say "mama don't be mad about being up right now; I couldn't wait until morning to see you." And then all is right in the world (even if there is spit-up in my hair)....
1. "I will be the mom that takes a shower and gets ready everyday, even if we aren't going to go anywhere." Ha! Yea right. These things called babies-yay-well they like to be held and they don't care if you stink (even if you stink really bad).
2. "We won't be late, just because we have a baby." How hard is it to plan ahead a little to be on time? We are "early" people so we will be able to handle that. Well no one told Camber what time it was, or what time we needed to leave. He didn't get a clock on the way out of the hospital so he has no idea what time is (nor does he care). When we do finally get around to getting out of the house: we have the bag packed, ourselves ready, Camber strapped into that torture chamber called a car seat: he decides he needs to poop. And not just a little poop that you could just change him when you got to wherever you were going, a big poop. One that needs changed right now! So you unstrap him, change him, and repeat the process all over again.
3. The other night we were going to dinner with Cas and Jeff and so I nursed Camber in the car before going in. (We again made them wait for us-see #2). As we are walking into the restaurant I realize I haven't pulled my shirt down after nursing. I just put my coat on, but didn't pull my shirt down. Thank God I realized it before taking my coat off again and showing the whole restaurant something they may not have wanted to see.
4. "Talking about poop" Poor Cas and Jeff, they are always subjected to our Mom and Dad conversations. At dinner we were talking about Camber's poop. Who wants to hear that? I am sure they didn't, but they did the Godparent duty and just smiled and nodded (while acting interested-all the while thinking to themselves "Get us out of here.")
Doug and I will text each other about Camber's poop. Hey when he goes three days without one it is pretty exciting. The second text is worse though: asking how much and what color. :-) I ran to the grocery store one afternoon and came home to Doug saying that Camber had pooped while I was gone and he had saved the diaper for me to look at what color it was. Again -if you would have told me I would be "that person" three months ago I would have laughed at you. Now it's my real life :-)
5. We take a noise machine into public places. Camber likes having a noise machine to fall asleep to and now they make a little one that attaches to his car seat (the size of a cell phone-come on people it's not like I'm bringing a boom box into places).
6. I always said I would put my baby in his swing, bed, bouncy seat, hell anywhere to take his nap. I had envisioned placing my smiling, happy baby into his crib and patting his little tummy saying "have a good nap, see you in an hour" and walking out of the room. What a joke! Camber didn't get that memo! He likes to be held and rocked and so: we hold and rock. Because I am not going to listen to a screaming baby all day! He will only be little for such a short time and so I hold and rock! Don't judge!
7. You always see these moms with their hair in a pony tail wearing sweat pants and a shirt that looks like might have also been worn yesterday and then on closer examination you see what could be spit-up or worse, poop?! Have I turned into that?! Sadly, yes I have! I have had every baby body fluid on me, and the worse part? It doesn't really phase me.
8. We only talk about Camber. I have nothing else to talk about, because I think of nothing else all day long! Maybe it will get better once I go back to work, but I have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless it involves nursing, diaper changing, naps, or growth spurts. He is my world, he consumes my thoughts, he is my everything!
So ten weeks ago I envisioned a sweet, sleeping, quiet baby snuggling in my arms, but instead I got Camber who is SO MUCH better than anything I could have imagined. He smiles, recognizes us, sticks his tongue out at us, gives me this little side smile at 3 in the morning just to say "mama don't be mad about being up right now; I couldn't wait until morning to see you." And then all is right in the world (even if there is spit-up in my hair)....
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| Can never have enough pictures of that beautiful smile |
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| See what I mean- |
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| We always said, "Oh we can just take our baby out with us," but now the highlight of our Saturday night: bath time! |
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| Getting to be such a big boy! |
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| There's that smile again! |
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| That smile will melt your heart! |
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| Mama, you are so funny! |
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| Amy and Casey thought he would look good with some facial hair :-) |
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| Little Rockstar! |
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Two Months Old
We have a two month old little man! Where has the time gone. I have a feeling I am going to feel that way every time I blog; I am just overwhelmed by how fast the time goes! In just over a month I will be going back to work and I can't even fathom how I will feel when that day comes. I continue to enjoy every minute of my time home with Camber.
Camber has really started to smile-not just the little smile, but a full on smile that just melts your heart! He really responds to people talking to him and his FAVORITE thing is when you stick your tongue out at him. When I hold him he will start sticking his tongue out, letting me know he wants me to do it back to him. I think he especially likes this so much because he can actually stick his tongue out now, something he wasn't able to do before getting his tongue tie revised.
Camber continues to meet new people (Uncle Darrell, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Woody, Aunt Cheryl, Taylor Jo, friend Addie, and so many more). Last Sunday Camber went to cheer on Daddy at his hockey game. He made it through the first few minutes but then fell asleep.
Last week we asked Aunt Cas and Funcle (fun uncle) Jeff (really they are cousins, but aunt and uncle sounds better) to be Camber's Godparents (sponsors). We are so grateful to have so many family members to support Camber. We plan to baptize Camber later in March.
Doug and I are ready for some warmer weather so that we can start taking Camber for walks and just get out of the house more. We spend our time hanging out with our little guy, not quite sure what we ever did before we had him!
Yesterday we had Camber's two month appointment and he is just shy of 25 inches long at 99th percentile and 11 lbs 5 oz. He is very long and lean :-) Can't wait to see how tall he ends up being :-) The sound of his cries during the shots was unbearable!
Camber has really started to smile-not just the little smile, but a full on smile that just melts your heart! He really responds to people talking to him and his FAVORITE thing is when you stick your tongue out at him. When I hold him he will start sticking his tongue out, letting me know he wants me to do it back to him. I think he especially likes this so much because he can actually stick his tongue out now, something he wasn't able to do before getting his tongue tie revised.
Camber continues to meet new people (Uncle Darrell, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Woody, Aunt Cheryl, Taylor Jo, friend Addie, and so many more). Last Sunday Camber went to cheer on Daddy at his hockey game. He made it through the first few minutes but then fell asleep.
Last week we asked Aunt Cas and Funcle (fun uncle) Jeff (really they are cousins, but aunt and uncle sounds better) to be Camber's Godparents (sponsors). We are so grateful to have so many family members to support Camber. We plan to baptize Camber later in March.
Doug and I are ready for some warmer weather so that we can start taking Camber for walks and just get out of the house more. We spend our time hanging out with our little guy, not quite sure what we ever did before we had him!
Yesterday we had Camber's two month appointment and he is just shy of 25 inches long at 99th percentile and 11 lbs 5 oz. He is very long and lean :-) Can't wait to see how tall he ends up being :-) The sound of his cries during the shots was unbearable!
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| So cute in my bow tie |
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| Daddy being so funny and making me laugh |
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| After my baby shower-worn out |
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| Celebrating January birthdays at Grandpa's |
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| Tummy Time |
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| A boy and his puppy |
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| Great Grandpa holding me |
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| Meeting Uncle Darrell |
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| And Aunt Debbie |
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| With my Godparents |
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| Uncle Woody |
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| Free Hugs |
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| Happy birthday Cas |
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| 2 months- of course I wouldn't smile for the camera |
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| 2 months |
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| So happy! |
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